Building Your Child’s Self Esteem
Hello and welcome to this very interesting and much spoken about topic.
Just how do you build self esteem in a child? Well – with every word, every action and every reaction you choose to make.
Yes – that’s right – it’s the actions that YOU choose to make. Always ensure you praise your child – without a BUT on the end. Don’t say to them – you did a great job, BUT…
Even as adults we seem to get this and wait – as if by habit – for the BUT!
Make your praise unreserved. If your child messes something up when they try – SO WHAT? Did anyone die or is anyone going to die as a result of this? Unless the answer is yes – then the rule should be “play on!”
Ask yourself this question before you criticize or correct – “Is this something that is going to be thought about or discussed, or considered important 2 years from now?”
If not – then don’t make a big deal about it. SIMPLE!
Tell your child they did a great job – if it isn’t right, so what! If it does need correcting – let time go by, then say to your child, “Hey – I cannot believe how good you are getting at that – did you know you could make it even better by trying this or adding in this? Next time you are doing that – give it a go and see how you do”.
Then – if the child tries it or doesn’t try it – so be it.
If it is a skill or a homework task they are trying to master or get right – then a little more emphasis needs to be placed on the correction. Try this verbal…
Excellent job – you got most of it correct – in order to get it 100% correct may I suggest you try this? Keep trying – you’ll get it – you are a very smart child. (Remember – unreserved!)
DID YOU KNOW…
There are 4 stages of learning – let me give them to you in driving terms…
Stage 1 – Your 9 year old child jumps into the car and plays by grabbing the wheel and thinks – well – that’s all there is too it!
Stage 2 – Your child gets to age 13 and watches you driving – they see you working the pedals, looking in the mirrors, holding the wheels, checking the gauges and they realize maybe there is more to it!
Stage 3 – They get into the drivers seat for the first time – you ask them to start the engine, hold the wheel, change gears by pushing in the clutch, giving it a little gas, check the mirrors and hand brake is off – well – that’s the fun part – you and I both know that – like you and I did – we bunny hopped the car and totally embarrassed ourselves.
Then with practice, and more practice, and more practice – we got better and better.
Stage 4 – we now get into the car, and without thinking – start the engine – do all the required tasks automatically and off we go! (Well, sometimes we bunny hop as well!)
We need to make sure that your child understands the learning stages – totally! This way – they won’t get embarrassed when they mess up the first time – they just have to realize that it is simply a part of the process.
Enjoy the process! In every aspect of theirs – and your life.
Lets take that one step further – what about learning a completely new skill.
Say a college degree or trade – it takes 4 years to complete – to go through stages 1 to 4.
The most common reaction is… “I can’t do that – by the time I finish I will be aged ??” Well – in 4 years – wont you still be that age anyway? The question is – will you have mastered a new skill or trade in that time – or still be in the same position – just 4 years older?
Enjoy every day as if it were your last – because one day – you will be right!
Bruce
Feel free to distribute this article to wherever you please – all I ask is that you include all credits and information as it is stated here.
Bruce Hultgren is creator and author of the “BillyBounce™” and the “Bounce ‘n’ Jam™” series of programs for children. Teaching them “ball skills to music”. Following a professional basketball career in
Any comments or feedback on this article can be forwarded directly to Bruce – bruce@billybounce.com
Full copyright exists © 2009 Bruce Hultgren and BillyBounce, LLC.
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